St. Thomas of Villanova Church, Villanova University

Hello, John DiFelice here. I recently “celebrated” my 49th birthday, which makes me old.

There are many things old people like to do. A young wippersnapper like you might think we “play Bingo” or “play Parcheesi” or “talk about the war”. Really? You’re in the wrong century, my friend. My generation was the first to play video games as children and own personal computers. We play Bingo on the Xbox now, thank you very much.

But the activity old people enjoy most is comparing the prices of things now to what they were in our youth. When things seem much…


They think they don’t know us

Image by author’s wife

Harvey Bernard Milk (May 22, 1930 — November 27, 1978) was an American politician and the first openly gay elected official in the history of California, where he was elected to the San Francisco Board of Supervisors.
- Wikipedia

There is a scene in the film Milk when Harvey Milk, as portrayed by Sean Penn, forces a young man to call his parents and come out as gay. In this scene, we the audience bare witness to the young man’s worse nightmare come true. …


A megachurch, Julian J Rossig/iStock/Getty Images Plus

On February 24, 2016, during a victory speech after his Nevada caucus win, republican candidate Donald Trump exclaimed that he loved the poorly educated. His critics and political opponents used the statement as evidence of his ineptitude and lack of wisdom. But if you read more of the full quote and put it into the proper context, his statement is consistent with the Republican platform of the last 40 years.

We won with Evangelicals. We won with young. We won with old. We won with highly educated. We won with poorly educated. (I love the poorly educated!)
- Donald Trump


Photo by Evgenii Pliusnin on Unsplash

by Stosh Bartkowski, a squatter on John DiFelice’s account

Jesus Christ. What a rush! What’s the date? Not the day, man, the year! Oh Daddy. Say it ain’t so.

Bro-bus, I just fell off the wagon and got dragged down ten miles of bad road on my face. I now have that bone-smooth shave all the ladies crave.

Hey, Mr. Construction worker, are those bells gonna ring? Can you delay it by a few mino-tos, por favor? Do a bro a solid.

I know I look pretty banged up. You don’t see many guys passed out in front of a…


Polka dancing. Public domain.

Let me tell you my story. It’s a fascinating one, one set during the biggest events in human history. Big, big, big! Humongous, gargantuan, mammoth, mythic, substantial!

I was born in 1927 when I sprang from the head of Jaromír Vejvoda who played Zeus to my Athena. Vejvoda, a Czech musician and composer, desperately needed money, that great motivator of men. The 19th century American historian Louis Hacker wrote, “Economic motivation is paramount in man.” That never really caught on as a meme, not like I did. If you approach any stranger and tell them to complete the phrase “Economic…


by Mother Nature, a squatter on John DiFelice’s account.

Hello, Mother Nature here. What, did you expect me to be white? Life originated in the ocean. There were no white people there. Your species came out of Africa. There weren’t any white people there either. Mother Nature is green, baby. But enough of the history lesson. It’s time to get down to some much needed business.

For centuries now, I have heard you complain about your problems, and most of them stem from the fact that there are too many of you. I gave you a solution for it thousands…


Photo by Mika Baumeister on Unsplash

by Stosh Bartkowski, a squatter on John DiFelice’s account

So, I’m divorced. I’ve been divorced twice in the last three years. You might say I’m a hopeless romantic.

I have helpful friends who want what’s best for me. One of them called when he heard the latest news and said, “Dude! This is awesome! Get on Tinder! You’ll be tapping squeanies till the cows come home!”

I didn’t understand what he meant, but tapping squeanies sounded better than what I had been doing which was staring at myself in the mirror and saying “Fuck you” over and over again.

I’ve…


Photo by Rhett Wesley on Unsplash

Last night, I went out with my friend Jack. I like going out with Jack because I never know what will happen from one moment to the next and I never know where we’ll be at the end of the night. On more than a few occasions, it has been in police custody. The possibility of appearing in an episode of C.O.P.S. gives the evening a certain edge.

Jack came over my apartment and I realized I had no beer. …


An Italian immigrant family, 1912. Public domain.

by Fergus Balfour, playwright extraordinaire and squatter on John DiFelice’s account

Let me tell you my story, man. Don’t you want to hear my story? It’s a good one. I had a crappy childhood, you know? Parents fought all the time. Screamed at each other. Said they hated each other. Constantly threatened to divorce, especially on Arbor Day. We lived in a duplex, like Annette Bening’s character in American Beauty. It was hell, and I lived through it — came out the other end, but all twisted and deformed. My psyche was like a tube of toothpaste that has been…

John DiFelice

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