You’re Divorced? Dude, Get On Tinder!

John DiFelice
5 min readNov 28, 2020
Photo by Mika Baumeister on Unsplash

by Stosh Bartkowski, a squatter on John DiFelice’s account

So, I’m divorced. I’ve been divorced twice in the last three years. You might say I’m a hopeless romantic.

I have helpful friends who want what’s best for me. One of them called when he heard the latest news and said, “Dude! This is awesome! Get on Tinder! You’ll be tapping squeanies till the cows come home!”

I didn’t understand what he meant, but tapping squeanies sounded better than what I had been doing which was staring at myself in the mirror and saying “Fuck you” over and over again.

I’ve never been on Tinder or any of the other dating apps. I left Twitter and Facebook years ago because I hate them. But the moon was just right and I had recently started drinking again, falling off the wagon after an eight-year ride and getting ground up in its spokes before landing in the horse’s dung bag.

With empty beer bottle in hand, I signed up for Tinder.

I used this as my main pic:

Photo by author

My Tinder profile was live. Let the squeanies rain down upon me, if that’s even how the word is used.